ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
