Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
