Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
