So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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