I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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