Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
