the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
