Dual....:-)
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize