Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
