you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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