I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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