I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
