No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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