That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
