I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
