I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
