if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
