Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
