Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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