So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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