i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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