he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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