Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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