This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
