All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
