I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
