Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
