At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
