Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't turn off my feet"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
