We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
