Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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