she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
