Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
