Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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