When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
