How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
