i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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