Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
