i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
