i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
