I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize