she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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