I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
