We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
