this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
