how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize