i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
