was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
