I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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