Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
