I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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