And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
