Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
