Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
