well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
