Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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