yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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