btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
