So drunk its hurt
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
