i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
