How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
