if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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