Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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