The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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