Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
