I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
