yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize