you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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