I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
