It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
