Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
