I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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