you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
