using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
