Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
