Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
