Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
