yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
