they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
