Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
