Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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