if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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