i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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