Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
