i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
then he tried to convert me to islam
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
God, I missed his penis.
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