Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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