Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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