My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
