Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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