thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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